Questions to ponder:
What is a minhag (custom)? Name 5 minhagim.
Where do minhagim come from? Does it matter?
Can you categorize different types of minhagim (i.e - what is the purpose of the minhag)?
If you say you follow Ashkenaz customs, what category is that?
Are we obligated to follow minhagim - and if so, is the obligation the same for all types?
Can I choose not to follow a minhag?
מתני׳ מקום שנהגו לעשות מלאכה בערבי פסחים עד חצות - עושין. מקום שנהגו שלא לעשות - אין עושין. ההולך ממקום שעושין למקום שאין עושין, או ממקום שאין עושין למקום שעושין, נותנין עליו חומרי מקום שיצא משם וחומרי מקום שהלך לשם. ואל ישנה אדם מפני המחלוקת.
Mishna: In a place where it is the custom to do work on the eve of Passover until midday, one may work. In a place where it is the custom not to do work, one may not. One who travels from a place where it is the custom to do (work) to a place where they do not, or from a place where they do not work to a place where they do, we lay on him the stringencies of the place he left and the stringencies of the place he has gone to. One should not act differently (from local custom) because of divisiveness (which could ensue).
What type of minhag is this describing?
Is Minhag Hamakom (custom of the place) binding?
What is a minhag hamakom today? (Perhaps very few: Glatt kosher meat in US, no tfilin on chol hamoed in Israel).
בני ביישן נהוג דלא הוו אזלין מצור לצידון במעלי שבתא אתו בנייהו קמיה דר' יוחנן אמרו לו אבהתין אפשר להו אנן לא אפשר לן אמר להו כבר קיבלו אבותיכם עליהם שנאמר (משלי א, ח) שמע בני מוסר אביך ואל תטוש תורת אמך:
The citizens of Beyshan were accustomed not to go from Tyre to Sidon on the eve of the Sabbath. Their children went to R. Johanan and said to him, "For our fathers this was possible; for us it is impossible". Said he to them, "Your fathers have already taken it upon themselves, as it is said, 'Hear my son, the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the teaching of thy mother' (Proverbs 1:8) "
אמר מר עוקבא, "אנא להא מלתא חלא בר חמרא לגבי אבא, דאילו אבא כי הוה אכיל בשרא האידנא לא הוה אכל גבינה עד למחר עד השתא. ואילו אנא בהא סעודתא הוא דלא אכילנא לסעודתא אחריתא אכילנא.
Mar Ukva says, In comparison to my father, regarding this matter, I am vinegar the son of wine. My father, when he ate meat, would not eat cheese until the same time the next day. But I, even if I won't eat it at this meal, I'll eat it at the next meal.
What does this imply about the obligation to follow one's father's custom - minhag avot?
There is no source in gemara requiring one to follow minhag avot.
ר' מימון אבי הרמב"ם, ב"חיבור התפילות" שלו ואותם המנהגות אין לנו לבזותם, ומי שהנהיגם זריז ומשתדל הוא, כי הם מעיקרים נעשים, ולא יבוזו במנהג האומה. וכבר אמר הנביא ע"ה: "ואל תטוש תורת אמך" - דת אומתך אל תעזוב.
Those customs, we should not deride them. Those who developed the custom [showed] alacrity and effort, and are made from essential values, and you should not deride the custom of the nation. The Prophet said “do not abandon the teachings of your mother” – do not leave the religion of your nation.
פתחי תשובה יורה דעה סימן ריד ס"ק ה (הערה על החוות יאיר מתשובת זכרון יוסף חי"ד סימן י"ד) אין הבן מחוייב להתנהג בהנהגת אביו זולת מה שהתנהג גם הבן מאז שהגדיל ... משא"כ אם הבן לא התחיל להתנהג מעולם כמנהג הטוב של אביו
A son is not obligated to follow the customs of his father, besides for those that the son was accustomed to after he became an adult…. This is not the case if the son did not start following the good custom of his father…
פרי חדש סימן תצו (על בסיס הספר משא מלך (ועל כל פנים הדין פשוט שאין הבן חייב לנהוג סייגים וגדירות אביו וההוא דבני בישן ...שניא היא דבישן אינו שם איש אלא שם מקום דהיינו בית שאן
At any rate, the law is clear that a son is not obligated to follow the fences and protective customs of his father. The case of Benei Beishan… is difference because Beishan is not the name of a person, but the name of a place – i.e. Beit Shaan.
"A Tribute to the Rebbitzen of Talne," Tradition 17:2, pp. 76-77)R. Joseph B. Solovetichik What is torat imekha? What kind of a Torah does the mother pass on?… Permit me to draw upon my own experiences. I used to watch her arranging the house in honor of a holiday. I used to see her recite prayers; I used to watch her recite the sidra every Friday night and I still remember the nostalgic tune. I learned from her very much. Most of all I learned that Judaism expresses itself not only in formal compliance with the law but also in a living experience. She taught me that there is a flavor, a scent and warmth to mitzvot. I learned from her the most important thing in life - to feel the presence of the Almighty and the gentle pressure of His hand resting upon my frail shoulders. Without her teachings, which quite often were transmitted to me in silence, I would have grown up a soulless being, dry and insensitive. The laws of Shabbat, for instance, were passed on to me by my father; they are a part of mussar avikha. The Shabbat as a living entity, as a queen, was revealed to me by my mother; it is a part of torat imekha. The fathers knew much about the Shabbat; the mothers lived the Shabbat, experienced her presence, and perceived her beauty and splendor. The fathers taught generations how to observe the Shabbat.
בני חוזאי נהגי דמפרשי חלה מארוזאאתו ואמרו ליה לרב יוסףאמר להוניכלה זר באפייהואיתיביה אביידברים המותרים ואחרים נהגו בהן איסור.
The inhabitants of Hozai were accustomed to separate Hallah on rice. [When] they went and told it to R. Joseph he said to them, Let a lay Israelite eat it in their presence: Abaye raised an objection against him: Things which are permitted, yet others treat them as forbidden.
What type of minhag does this describe?
(א) דְּבָרִים הַמֻּתָּרִים וְהַיּוֹדְעִים בָּהֶם שֶׁהֵם מֻתָּרִים נָהֲגוּ בָּהֶם אִסוּר, הָוֵי כְּאִלּוּ קִבְּלוּ עֲלֵיהֶם בְּנֶדֶר וְאָסוּר לְהַתִּירָם בָּהֶם. הִלְכָּךְ, מִי שֶׁרָגִיל לְהִתְעַנּוֹת תַּעֲנִיּוֹת שֶׁלִּפְנֵי רֹאשׁ הַשָּׁנָה וְשֶׁבֵּין רֹאשׁ הַשָּׁנָה לְיוֹם כִּפּוּרִים, וּמִי שֶׁרָגִיל שֶׁלֹּא לֶאֱכֹל בָּשָׂר וְשֶׁלֹּא לִשְׁתּוֹת יַיִן מֵרֹאשׁ חֹדֶשׁ אָב אוֹ מִי''ז בְּתַמּוּז, וְרוֹצֶה לַחֲזֹר בּוֹ מֵחֲמַת שֶׁאֵינוֹ בָּרִיא, צָרִיךְ ג' שֶׁיַּתִּירוּ לוֹ. אִם בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁהִתְחִיל לִנְהֹג הָיָה דַּעְתּוֹ לִנְהֹג כֵּן לְעוֹלָם, וְנָהַג כֵּן אֲפִלּוּ פַּעַם אַחַת, צָרִיךְ הַתָּרָה וְיִפְתַּח בַּחֲרָטָה שֶׁמִּתְחָרֵט שֶׁנָּהַג כֵּן לְשֵׁם נֶדֶר. לְפִיכָךְ, הָרוֹצֶה לִנְהֹג בִּקְצָת דְּבָרִים הַמֻּתָּרִים, לִסְיָג וּפְרִישׁוּת, יֹאמַר בִּתְחִלַּת הַנְהָגָתוֹ שֶׁאֵינוֹ מְקַבֵּל עָלָיו כֵּן בְּנֶדֶר, וְגַם יֹאמַר שֶׁאֵין בְּדַעְתּוֹ לִנְהֹג כֵּן אֶלָּא בַּפַּעַם הַהוּא אוֹ בַּפְּעָמִים שֶׁיִּרְצֶה, וְלֹא לְעוֹלָם. אֲבָל הַנּוֹהֲגִים אִסוּר בִּדְבָרִים הַמֻּתָּרִים מֵחֲמַת שֶׁסוֹבְרִים שֶׁהֵם אֲסוּרִים, לֹא הָוֵי כְּאִלּוּ קִבְּלוּם בְּנֶדֶר.
וְיֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, שֶׁאִם טוֹעֶה וְנָהַג אִסוּר בְּדָבָר הַמֻּתָּר, נִשְׁאָל וּמַתִּירִים לוֹ בִּשְׁלֹשָׁה כְּעֵין הַתָּרַת נְדָרִים. וְאִם יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁהוּא מֻתָּר וְנָהַג בּוֹ אִסוּר, אֵין מַתִּירִין לוֹ אֲפִלּוּ כְּעֵין הַתָּרַת נְדָרִים; דְּהָוֵי כְּאִלּוּ קִבְּלוֹ עַל עַצְמוֹ כְּאִסוּרִים שֶׁאֲסָרְתָן תּוֹרָה שֶׁאֵין לָהֶם הֶתֵּר לְעוֹלָם. וְהַמִּנְהָג כַּסְּבָרָא הָרִאשׁוֹנָה.
(ב) קַבָּלַת הָרַבִּים חָלָה עֲלֵיהֶם וְעַל זַרְעָם; וַאֲפִלּוּ בִּדְבָרִים שֶׁלֹּא קִבְּלוּ עֲלֵיהֶם בְּנֵי הָעִיר בְּהַסְכָּמָה, אֶלָּא שֶׁנּוֹהֲגִין כֵּן מֵעַצְמָם לַעֲשׂוֹת גָּדֵר וּסְיָג לַתּוֹרָה; וְכֵן הַבָּאִים מִחוּץ לָעִיר לָדוּר שָׁם, הֲרֵי הֵם כְּאַנְשֵׁי הָעִיר וְחַיָּבִים לַעֲשׂוֹת כְּתַקָּנָתָן, וְאַף בִּדְבָרִים שֶׁהָיוּ אֲסוּרִים בָּהֶם בְּעִירָם מִפְּנֵי מִנְהָגָם וְאֵין מִנְהַג הָעִיר שֶׁבָּאוּ לָדוּר בָּהּ לֶאֱסֹר, הֻתְּרוּ בָּהֶם אִם אֵין דַּעְתָּם לַחֲזֹר.
(1) Things which are permitted and one knows they are permitted, yet practices as forbidden, it is as if they accepted on themselves a vow, and cannot permit it to themselves. And so, one who regularly fasts on the the fasts before Rosh Hashanah, and between Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur, and one who does not eat meat or wine from rosh chodesh Av or the 17th of Tamuz, and wants to go back (and eat) because he is not healthy, he needs 3 individuals to permit/release him (hatarat nedarim). If at the time he started this practice (custom), he had in mind to do this forever, and did it even just one time, he requires hatarat nedarim. And he should begin with regret the he practiced as a vow. As such, one who wants to to refrain from that which is permitted, to create a fence or separation, should say at the beginning that he is not accepting the practice as a vow, and should say that it is not his intention to practice this except this once or a few times as he wishes, and not forever. But those who refrain from permitted things because they believe them to be forbidden, it is not like a making a vow.
And there is one position, that if one erred and refrained from a permitted behavior, he should ask, and be released with 3 people as in hatarat nedarim. And if he knows that it is permitted and practiced as if it is forbidden, he can't be released even with hatarat nedarim, because it is as if he accepted on himself prohibitions which are prohibited by the Torah, for which there is no permitting forever. And the practice is as per the first approach (1st paragraph above).
(2) Acceptance by the majority rests on them and their children, even in those things the the people of the city didn't accept in agreement, rather they practiced to create a fence around the Torah. And so those coming from out of town to live there, they are as if they are people of the city and are obligated to practice as their ruling, even in those things which are forbidden in the town from which they came but it is not in the new one, it is permitted if their intention is not to return.
And there is one position, that if one erred and refrained from a permitted behavior, he should ask, and be released with 3 people as in hatarat nedarim. because it is as if he accepted on himself (2) Acceptance by the majority rests on them and their children, even in those things the the people of the city didn't accept in agreement, rather they practiced to create a fence around the Torah. And so those coming from out of town to live there, they are as if they are people of the city and are obligated to practice as their ruling, even in those things which are forbidden in the town from which they came but it is not in the new one, it is permitted if their intention is not to return.